5 Ways to Bounce Back From Failure

When we look back on the moments that have shaped our lives, many of us will think of the decisions we made about meaningful relationships, the career paths we pursued, and the post-secondary choices that helped define us. Often, decisions like these about jobs, roommates, relationship partners, and schooling are ones we make between the ages of 18 to 25. Remembering these types of moments from early adulthood with ease is actually called “the reminiscence bump” because these years become such a big part of our identity formation.

Those currently experiencing young adulthood can probably knock off a whole list of stressors impacting them. Those of us who have already navigated those years will know that they are ripe with successes and also full of failures, many being experienced for the first time. Maybe we got into that program we had our eye on, aced that job interview, or put ourselves out there in a moment of vulnerability and ended up getting the date. Other times, we got a failing grade back, we stumbled over our words in an interview and didn’t land the job, we were blindsided by a break-up. We struggled to feel good enough and saw setbacks as personal failures. While that sense of failure is a normal part of life, carrying it around with us can hurt our mental health.

In fact, failure to meet self-expectations is a strong risk factor for developing a mental health concern like depression (Kuwabara, Van Voorhees, Gollan, & Alexander, 2007; Zhang, Kong, Goa, & Li, 2013). Young adults set many expectations for themselves when it comes to relationships, independence, academics, and employment; when they don’t meet those expectations, many will struggle with the realization that they have to adjust their plans. Since we know that young adults have the highest incidence and prevalence of depression of any age group in Canada (Findlay, 2017), it’s fair to say that feelings of failure can take a toll on us and our mental health, especially if we have a hard time bouncing back from those feelings.

5 Ways to Bounce Back From Failure:

• Let it go: Remember that failing is a part of life. It wouldn’t be the human experience if we didn’t, you know, have human experiences.

• Notice your thoughts: Don’t confuse failure with “being a failure.” We can’t let our mistakes have so much power over us; failure doesn’t define us. If you’d like to define yourself from a handful of select experiences, why not choose positive ones like times you were confident, empathetic, and successful?

• Own it: Experiencing failure actually connects us all as humans. We relate to others (and actually might end up liking them more) when they are vulnerable and show us that they aren’t trying to keep a perfect façade up. Not only is it ok to admit we made a mistake, it’s actually important for our relationships.

• Keep it in perspective: what seems massive to you right now will probably just end up being a small blip when you look back on it down the road. Take a deep breath and a mental “step back.” We want to identify what the failure was so we can learn from it, but we don’t want to over-identify with it. Over-identifying means letting that sense of failure consume us and wallowing in our misery.
  

• Learn from it: Failing has a positive purpose if we try to learn from it. Reflecting on how you can grow from the experience is an emotionally intelligent way of moving past failure. For example, if you failed a test, it’s safe to assume your method of studying might not be working out for you. You might have learned that you need to spend more time studying for big exams, or that re-reading notes isn’t that helpful to you and you need to try flashcards instead.